Once upon a time there were two sisters, Amy and Candice. Amy’s mental function preferences are NF(Intuition and Feeling) and Candice’s are SF(Sensing and Feeling). Both extroverted their Feeling function. Amy lived in a big city and Candice commuted from a small town three hundred miles away. Candice drove in and stayed with Amy for three days and went back to her home town on the morning of the fourth day and stayed there until the next set of her work day schedule.
Amy and Candice were selling their parents’ house in a small town on the other side of state. The real estate agent faxed the contract to be signed and needed both Amy and Candice’s signature before starting the selling process.
Candice was working her third day. Amy needed to get the signatures but her Extroverted Feeling guided her decision not to bother Candice at work and to wait until she got home that evening. Her Introverted Sensing reminded her that Candice routinely left on the morning of the fourth day and she had time to ask Candice for the signatures. Candice worked an extra four hours and did not get to Amy’s house until close to midnight. Amy went to sleep and thought she could talk to Candice in the morning. Candice wanted to tell Amy she was leaving extra early but her Extroverted Feeling function guided Candice to not wake up Amy. Candice was very tired and didn’t consider leaving her a note.
On the morning of the fourth day, Candice got up earlier than usual 5:30 a.m. to leave for her home town to go with her husband to a doctor’s appointment at 8:30 a.m. Amy woke up and realized Candice was gone. She was in a panic and angry with herself that she had not tried to contact Candice at work or leave the paperwork out for Candice to sign before she left. She was also upset Candice had not told her about her plan to leave early which offended her need from the world of structure and organization.
What could have worked better for Amy and Candice in communication and decision-making?
Step 1 - Extroverted Sensing – what are the details and facts?
Amy had a contract that needed urgent signatures and Candice wass at work. Amy did not have all the facts specifically relating to when Candice was leaving town.
Step 2- Introverted Sensing – is there anything in the past that relates to this situation that either women can learn from?
Candice really didn’t always leave in the morning. She varied her leave time. Sometimes she would leave and drives all night. Sometimes she would go to church. It seemed to “depend” . Amy’s memory was that Candice “always” left the morning of the fourth but careful exploration of the past using her Introverted Sensing function indicates that was not the reality. Amy could improve her ability to really “see” past experiences in detail.
Step 3 – Extroverted Intuition – Explore possibilities and options. Amy could try to page her at work. She could leave the paperwork out for her to sign or try to wait up for her. Amy could also have called Candice to leave a voice mail or text message.
Step 4 – Introverted Intuition –Search within for meaning, insight or abstract association.
If Amy called called Candice during work hours, it might disrupt her work.
Step 5 – Extroverted Thinking – Look at logical steps and consequences. What’s the best method to contact Candice? Voice mail, text message or leave a note with the materials? What happens if Amy couldn't reach Candice? What happens if Candice doesn’t see the paperwork?
Step 6 – Introverted Thinking – What are other problem solving approaches that either are aware of internally? Risk/benefit? Process flow? Level of importance/prioritization?
Step 7 – Extroverted Feeling – How will both of their decisions and actions affect their relationship? If Amy calls Candice at work, it might bother her. When Candice is stressed, she doesn’t need interference with something that is of low importance at the time of the call. Amy could have spent more time gathering more information and determining the best time to present Candice with the contract instead of assuming her availability based on inaccurate prior information stored by her introverted Sensing function.
Step 8 – Introverted Feeling – Does the plan honor everyone’s core values? Amy thought so. Amy was trying to show concern for Candice’s work and work pressures so it honored her personal core values of harmony and caring about others. Amy really isn’t sure she knows all of Candice’s core values but she does know Candice’s family is important to her so the plan would not have to interfere with Candice’s plan to get to her hometown in a timely manner.
What kind of decisions have you made that didn't "work" - have the outcome you anticipated?
What do you think of first when you make decisions - processes or people?
If you could change one thing about how you make decisions, what would it be?
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